The Importance of Communication with your Parents
The Importance of Communication with your Parents
One of the hardest things when it comes to having a new foster sibling is asking for help when needed.
During the fostering process, it is easy to feel alone because not many people experience getting a new sibling the way you did. I guarantee this process will make your new lifestyle unfamiliar in many ways. While all of this is certainly a scary process, the struggles don’t even begin to outweigh the joy of getting a new sibling and growing your family. Even still, this sort of change can be difficult and expressing how you feel and what you need can be even harder. It is easy to feel selfish when asking your family for certain help when everyone else is overwhelmed with a new sibling or overwhelmed being the new sibling. I have definitely been in a position when feeling like I want certain things to change but also juggling how my needs affect my new sibling and affect my parents who might also be struggling. Nonetheless, it is important to reach out for support, and it's not selfish to take care of your needs.
Communication is the key to feeling supported through this process. Two things that can help you are (1) being as honest as possible with your parent(s) and (2) communicating how you feel. While this might seem obvious and cliché, it’s very easy to assume your parent knows exactly how you feel and knows which ways to help you. If there is one thing I have learned throughout my years, is that parents cannot read minds and it is beyond frustrating to expect certain change that doesn’t come. If you predict that your parents will magically know exactly how you feel, you will wind up being disappointed and angry that nothing is changing to help you. Be direct with your family and tell your parent or guardian how you are feeling, why, and what they can do.
One thing that is really hard about this process is that everyone deals with it differently. No one knows your feelings better than you. If you communicate honestly how you feel and what you need, your family can begin to adjust and change to make a better functioning home where everyone feels supported. Hopefully, you feel comfortable sharing with your parents anytime you need, but sometimes it can be challenging to find that safe space to share.
This is where establishing family meetings can be valuable. One thing that can be helpful during this process is having weekly meetings with you and your parents. This doesn’t have to be a formal arrangement but having smaller check-ins once a week will give you a chance to discuss what is working and what isn’t. Having a new sibling through foster care is most likely new territory for your family which is why adjusting together is so important. For me, It can be hard to share out of the blue, but having a pre-established platform for you to share, gives you a chance to communicate better. On the weeks when you feel you need support from your parents, you can share while there isn’t pressure for a big discussion every week.
This should be a casual setting between you and your parents or guardians that you feel is a safe place for everyone to talk about what has been working or not working for your family. This can be personalized for each family and can even be a way to spend one and one time with your parents and just catch up. By doing both these things it makes it much easier for you and your family to communicate your needs. Remember, in order to have the most suitable family for your new sibling, you need to first take care of yourself. You cannot be the best sibling you can be if you don’t feel supported which is why communication with your parent is so vital for a successful happy family.